


The Closet

by pop14



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Boys kissing on national TV, F/F, Falling In Love, High School, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Original Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 14:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14262600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pop14/pseuds/pop14
Summary: This is a short story I wrote about a girl named Amanda who is in love with her best friend, Emily. This story is her struggle with the nature of those feelings, being in love with someone who also a girl, dealing with the fact that she's a Lesbian in juxtaposition to her conservative religious upbringing.  As Amanda struggles with her feelings, she comes to realize that possibly Emily could like her too with some helpful nudges from her frustratingly knowing second best friend, Kevin.





	The Closet

 

The Closet 

She was leaning against the lockers her arms folded across her chest with her firecracker hair piled up on top of her head. Her eyes sharp and face flushed, mouth moving a mile a minute, though I had no idea what it was saying. My eyes were too busy following the bead of sweat making lazy patterns on her neck before disappearing into the collar of her T-shirt. God, she was beautiful. With her bright eyes and radiant smile and … and what was I doing! 

I yanked my eyes away from her neck and focused blurrily on a point across the hall while I got my thoughts in order. What was I doing? This was my best friend! We'd known each other all our lives. I couldn't be having thoughts like this about her. Not only would I defiantly lose her forever, but it just wouldn't be right.

A clearing throat brought me sharply back to reality. She was staring at me an expectant look on her face. Shit! She'd asked me a question. Fuck! …. Say something!

"What?" I blurt eloquently

She sighs. "Have you been listening to anything I said in the last five minutes?" I just shrug noncommittally, ruffling my hair.

"I said Are you still coming over later so that we can work on our project for history and see that movie you have been raving about for the past month?"

"Oh. Yeah. Of course." I say shifting the books in my arms "Wanna meet up here after school and then we can go to yours."

"Sure. A? Where did you go earlier? You were totally inside your head. What were you thinking about?"

You and how much I want to - Stop! God Damn it! She's my best friend! Nothing else! … Jesus Christ! Say something, you idiot!

"I - I was"

Ring!

Thank god.

"See you at lunch Em!" Without waiting for a reply, I spun around and took off down the hall towards my first class. Thankful for once that we wouldn’t see each other again until lunch. I reached where I need to be in record time in my haste to get away from Emily and took my seat with a huff dropping all my books unceremoniously on my desk and slumping down in my chair. Hoping to stifle the thoughts still pining for my attention with a good dose of calculus. God only knows how confusing and mind-numbing this shit is.

"What?" Kevin leaned over in mock concern. "Did someone not get their caffeine this morning?"

I shot him a look "Why do I put up with you again? All you ever do is antagonize me."

"Because you love me," he stated hand pressed to his chest draping himself over the side of his desk.

"Whatever" I muttered blowing my hair out of my eyes and folding deeper into myself willing the class to start so this idiot I call my friend will stop bothering me.

"No really Ames. What's wrong with you? Its barely 8 am and you're already in hermit mode."

"Nothing," I mutter back wishing he would either just drop the subject or that I could disappear.

"Oh, I know!" Kevin states dramatically making a ding! Gesture with his hand. "This is about Emily! Have you two still not expressed your undying love for each other yet?"

I shot straight up in my chair knocking the pencil case off the top of my books and onto the floor with a thump Great. I shoot him my best death glare while I stoop to pick it up.

"So, it is about her. Oh, come on Ames. You've been pining over her for months now and she you. What's the problem?"

"You know what the problem is! Relationships like that aren't accepted! There's a reason you never see them in the media! Plus, my parents would hate me! Pretty sure my devout Christian mother who is always spewing nonsense about God and my very conservative father aren’t going to accept someone who is … is like me.” I wanted to add especially not when God hates fags, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it though from the look on his face I think he got it. Kevin opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off before he could.

 “And I know you've got everything figured out, Mr. I got a full ride to my dream school for dance, but some of us still need our parent's money for college! This is a pointless conversation anyway because she could never like me and therefore there is no reason to tell my parents." I slammed my pencil case back, on to my desk and slumped into the chair trying to make myself as small as possible swallowing back the burning in my throat and blinking my eyes several times.

"Ames.” He said softly “You know that's not true. Your parents will love you no matter how you feel about Emily, or girls in general. Putting aside how God feels about people like you or me people’s views can change when confronted with the fact that it is in their own family. Never underestimate the love your parents have for you okay?"

He reached out and touched my shoulder, but I didn't respond just shot him a look that told him to please shut up while I opened my notebook and prepared for this morning's lecture. But like always he didn’t know when to quit.

"Amanda. Come on. You know I'm right."

"Kevin! I swear to god! Would you just drop it already! I'm never going to tell her or my parents." Not that there was anything to tell I added to myself, though even I knew that was a lie. I tried to focus on calculus and took meticulous notes as I always do but, for some reason, I couldn't seem to focus on what I was writing. It was like my hand was on autopilot, but my thoughts wouldn't stop chasing themselves around my brain. Focusing obsessively on Emily and what Kevin had said. Was it true? Could Emily possibly have feelings for me? Could my parents even be okay with it? This was all so confusing. Why was I even thinking about this? She was just my best friend. Nothing more.

The rest of my morning passed in a blur of confusing thoughts and struggling to pay attention in class even though I didn't have any more classes with either Emily or Kevin until later in the day. When I got to lunch, Emily greeted me with a big smile and a hug as she's been doing all year. Kevin gave me a look over her shoulder and then winked before grabbing Ryan's hand and pulling him towards the lunch line. I choose to ignore the look and the subsequent thoughts the said look had given me in favor of my food, though suddenly I found that I wasn't very hungry anymore.

I returned home later that day even more confused than ever after spending the afternoon with Emily and flopped down onto my bed. Giving a groan of assent when my mom knocked on my door and asked if I'd had a good day.

    It was a few days later while Emily was over at my house that I saw it. We were all sitting in the living room. Emily and I were next to each other on the floor in front of the coffee table the couch at our back as we worked on our history project. My mother and father were in their respective chairs. My mother reading a book and my father doing that evenings crossword. They had the TV set to the Olympics as background noise. I looked up because I noticed Emily had stopped working was staring fixedly at the TV. When I glanced from her to the TV, I saw Gus Kenworthy about to do his ski slopestyle qualifying. Then, right before he left out of the gate, his boyfriend leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips before pulling him into a quick hug and whispered something in his ear. No doubt wishing him good luck.

    I continued to stare at the TV, but I wasn’t really watching Gus Kenworthy ski. My brain had flown into overdrive as soon as I had seen him kiss his boyfriend on prime-time nationally broadcast live television. Could people really be okay with this? With such exposure to this type of relationship? Could my parents be okay with this type of relationship if I wanted to have it? And possibly with the person sitting right beside me. With this thought in mind, I turned to face Emily only to find her already looking at me. We stared at each other for a couple of seconds before her eyes dropped to my lips before meeting mine again. I raised an eyebrow at her my heart racing as she leaned forward slightly, and I copied her. My breathing got shallower as I glanced down at her lips pink and soft looking. I wondered what they would feel like pressed against mine and subconsciously leaned a bit closer and she copied me.

    I jumped at my mother’s voice saying “Would you look at that Joe. I never thought I’d see two men kissing on television in my lifetime.” My father gave a grunt of assent or disgust I’m not sure which and muttered something unintelligible under his breath without even looking up from his crossword, and I jerked away from Emily having completely forgotten my parents were in the room. I glanced at her once lose strands of amber were falling into her face obscuring her eyes, but I thought I saw disappointment and hurt in her eyes before I quickly looked away. But that couldn’t be right I thought as I jumped up hitting my knee on the coffee table in my haste exclaiming quickly that I had to use the bathroom before high tailing it out of the room.

    Once safely inside the bathroom, I collapsed back against the door and sunk to the floor burring my head in my hands. What was that? Had I just been about to kiss Emily in front of my parents? Oh God, I had. And had she wanted to kiss me back? She had seemed almost disappointed and hurt when I pulled back, but that didn’t make any sense. How could she like me? How did she know I was a lesbian? The only person who knew was Kevin, and that was because he had figured it out. Man, what was I going to do? Because it was definitely clear now that I had to stop lying to myself and admit I had a crush on my best friend.

    It took two more months, a plethora of smug and knowing looks from Kevin and many frustrating conversations before I was even ready to confront the idea of possibly telling my parents, let alone Emily. But graduation was quickly approaching, and I wanted to get this off my chest before I left to go to art school up north. So, one day after dinner I approached my parents who were sitting in the living room as always with the TV on. I marched in and shut it off, effectively gaining their attention.

"I have something I have to tell you." I threw my shoulders back in an attempt to gain confidence feeling extremely nervous about the announcement I was about to make. We starred at each other for at least thirty seconds before I was able to get my vocal cords to work correctly.

"I'm gay," I blurted out, hands shaking. Moment of truth I thought as we stared each other down as my mother carefully closed and put down her book before walking over to me and putting her hands on my shoulders she squeezed tightly before she stated "Oh Amanda I had a feeling. But thank you so much for trusting us enough to tell us." She looked me in the eye tears welling in her’s "It means so much to your father and I that you told us. I know with both our religious and political beliefs that we didn’t make this the most open home for you to tell us and while I’m still a little taken aback by it your father and I are coming around. Nothing means more to us than your happiness."

I starred at her dumbfounded "I – I don’t know what to say. You - you knew?" I spluttered looking from my mother's slightly ruffled but supportive face to my father's as he chuckled coming up behind my mother and putting a hand on my shoulder.

"You don't exactly hide it well kiddo. And well yes, we were a little shocked when we first figured it out, but we’ve come around to the idea. As your mother said, nothing means more to us than your happiness. You and Emily almost kissed right here in the living room. Your mother and I were just wondering when you were going to tell us the two of you were together. And now you have, and your mother and I couldn't be prouder."

"I - What? I thought you didn’t - wait" I stopped their words registering fully. "Emily and I aren't together."

"Oh." My father said looking awkward and sharing a glance with my mother “Your mother and I – well - Anyone with eyes can see you two are crazy for each other. That was part of the reason we started to come around to the idea, you two looked so happy together. And all the times we’ve seen you snuggling on the couch…" my father trailed off into silence at a withering glance from my mother.

"I - What?" I said again starting to feel like a fool "She - she likes me? And you’re okay with it? This?" I gesture to myself as a way of implying being gay.

"Not entirely but it has been growing on me the last two months. And if this is truly who you are and what makes you happy then who am I or anyone to stand in your way” my mother said gently cupping the side of my face. "And yes. That girl most defiantly likes you. The two of you have been looking at each other with hearts in your eyes for months now."

Oh god fucking damn it! All these months I could have been enjoying having Emily in my life as more than just my best friend and I’d been too blinded by my own insecurities to see it. And now there were only maybe three months before we left for college. Argh!  I thought as I sped out of the house and jumped into my car without even saying another word to my parents. How could I have been so stupid? How could I not have seen that she feels the same way about me? Most infuriating, why did Kevin seem to be right about everything? What was it with that kid and reading people. Finally, lost in thought, I came to her house and got out of my car steeling myself for what I was about to do. If my parents were wrong and Emily didn't feel this way about me then, I could lose her forever, but this was better than never trying at all. I had to know. I stared at the house a few seconds longer before starting up the front steps and ringing the doorbell. Thankfully she was the one to answer the door.

“Hey A. What’s up? I didn’t think you were coming over today.”

“Hi” I forced out past the lump in my throat that felt like it was slowly choking me. “Um. Can I come in?”

“Yeah sure. Since when do you ring my doorbell and ask to come in. We’ve been friends for over ten years now. Usually, you just text me you’re here before letting yourself in.”

“Right. … Sorry?” I mutter passing her as I enter the house. I turn back around to face her once I cleared the entryway, and she turns around after shutting the door stopping mid-step when she sees I’m still in the hall.

“A, seriously what is up with you? You’re acting super weird.” She comes to stand in front of where I am halfway down the hall. I just stare at her while she quirks an eyebrow before I take a deep breath, expelling everything I have to say in a rush.

“Okay so, I was just talking to my parents, and I told them that I was gay. And they said that they thought we were in a relationship because we had and I quote ‘been making heart eyes at each other for months’, and I was just wondering if that was true and you liked me like that because I really like you and I know this could ruin our friendship, but I just have to know. It’s totally fine if you don’t feel the same way it just that I-” Suddenly I couldn’t talk anymore because there were lips on mine. I let out a shocked gasp, and Emily pulls away wrapping her arms around my waist.

“Sorry. That was the only way I could think to get you to stop it with the word vomit” She grins down at me one of her hands coming up to card through my short blonde hair.

“That is totally okay.” I breathe out looking up at her. “Do you think we could do it again?” I asked playfully as I slung my arms around her neck and ran my fingers through the fire she calls hair.

“I think it can be arranged” She whispered before bringing her lips back to mine and we just stood there for a few minutes kissing in her front hall before the fact that we were smiling too much became an issue. I pulled my lips away and rested my forehead against hers, opening my eyes.

"I've wanted to do that for months" I breathed out my hands gently carding through her hair.

"Me too" she whispered back

I let out an incredulous laugh shaking my head "We're such idiots."

"That we are" she agreed but then pulled me in for another kiss before stating, "I'm so happy this happened. I've wanted to kiss you again ever since we played spin the bottle with all our friends last summer."

"God. I feel the same way. Why did we wait so long?"

Emily let out a laugh. "Because as we already established, we're idiots."

"Yes, but you're my idiot," I stated as I drew her in for another kiss. Savoring the soft feel of her lips on mine and how she feels in my arms pressed against my front. Finally, we pulled apart smiling goofily at each other as she took my hand and pulled me up the stairs to her room. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the story! Please leave comments or Kudos if you liked it! Thanks again!
> 
> Also, please check out some my other stories I've posted on my account. Thank you again for reading!


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